How To make Too Much Trifle in 20 Easy Steps

How to make too much trifle.

1. Search Pinterest for two hours to find the perfect, easy (because kids 🙄), yummiest Patriotic dessert ever! Also decide on 10 random different DIY must do ideas (because...Pinterest).

2. Awesome. Link doesn't work.

3. Select the next best dessert with working link.

4. Get pissed off princess dress wearing toddler and carseat hating baby into the van with bribes of cookies and puppies and rainbows, to go to the store.

5. Sit in holiday Cape Cod traffic because apparently the rotary is difficult **eyeroll**. While in traffic, cave to random request from toddler and go to the children's museum for two hours.

6. Go to the store. Decide to double the recipe because everyone knows that serving sizes are a lie. Spend more than you want because.....cookies. See #4. Toddler can remember cookie bribe from two hours before but can't remember where she put her shoe two seconds before.

7. Make it back home. Promise Husband that your magnificent trifle will only take 35 min. #totallie **Note to self: Don't trust the make times on recipes.

8. Apparently doubling the recipe is mathematically hard. Pack up super pissed off kids back into van. How dare you interrupt their game of "Who Can Scream Louder in the Empty Room?" Spoiler Alert....Mommy can. Now get your butt in the van!

9. Back home with 3 more pounds of strawberries. Cut them all pretty like. Eat the "ugly ones". Wait! Why are you crying? Omg, it's an hour passed dinner. Mom fail.

10. Ummmm here.... Strawberries for dinner. Just eat it. No, I can't make bacon. Cheese? Sure. Pickles??? Ummmm no. Eat this peanut butter toast it's delicious. Cucumbers and Ranch? No problem, here ya go.

11. Go back to cutting a million mother effing strawberries. Decide that you need to make a star pattern. #Patrioticasamofo

12. ***scratches head*** Why is this so heavy? Hmmmm, 2 angel food cakes, 4 pints of blueberries, 4.5 lbs of strawberries, 2 pounds of cream cheese, 4 cups of heavy cream, a ton of sugar.....

13. Why doesn't it fit in fridge!?!? AHHHHH! Head to basement fridge. Okay, we're good. Proudly head off to bed and dream of feeding people your glorious trifle.

14. Next day. Proudly pack and safely secure your 100 pound magical made with love Patriotic Trifle in the van while proudly showing it off to the neighbors. "Yes, yes I made this.", "Thank you, it is lovely" "Of course I'll bring some over....well if there's any left"

15. Unload your perfectly behaved toddler and baby at your destination and lovingly carry in giant ass trifle. Wait patiently 3 hours for dessert time so people can enjoy the love and magic that you've created with your culinary excellence.

16. Watch as only three people eat it. Including yourself. It's freaking magical. It's magnificent. Eat my trifle, dammit!

17. Pack sleepy screaming kids back in car while calling your bff to keep sanity and make plan to unload half of your uneaten trifle at her house.

18. Pull over in time to allow toddler to vomit all over herself because she only ate cheese and pickles. #shouldhaveatemommiestrifle #just saying

19. Call Husband to warn him he's on throw up duty while hanging head out of van window in sad attempt to breath

20. When kids finally for the love of God pass out 2.5 hours past bedtime, eat a giant bowl of your Patriotic as F@#$, delicious trifle by yourself for dinner because there's at least 80 pounds of it to go. Also, it's pretty. Oh and apparently the serving size didn't lie....