Moving On

When is it time to part ways? Is this the right decision? How will this effect us? Is this a mistake? Is this the right thing to do? Over the last few months these questions have ran through my mind, over and over. There's been anger, annoyance, guilt and an anxiousness revolving around these questions. And then, one day you just know. Yes, it's time. I'm at a place in my life I never thought I would be at. No, I'm not talking about divorce. I'm talking about asking...no telling your adult child that it's time to move out.

When my daughter turned eighteen she stopped spending the night at our house. We barely ever saw her except when she needed a shower or a change of clothes. I started to feel like our home was nothing but a "storage unit", a saying that everyone in my family hates but it was how I felt nonetheless. I slowly became more annoyed and angry so my husband and I sat down and discussed what we wanted to do. "You're still the parent. What do you want to do? This is our house, our rules." I don't know, I would say.

As someone who had a horribly abusive childhood, was told all the time that she was hated, unloved and was kicked out finally for good at sixteen, I really struggled being able to let go of my own child. My job was to protect her, love her, keep for harm but at the same time prepare her to be confident, independent and ready to be on her own. I was at constant odds with myself over "letting" her go. I'm not doing this out of hate, or spite, or anger. I absolutely one hundred percent love my child. I would do anything for her. This includes allowing her the opportunities to grow up and be her own woman.

So, over the last yr my husband and I have sat down and come up with reasonable rules. Well, that proved to be too difficult. Reminders were said. Different rules and agreements were put together. Those didn't last either. And after months of this we were done. I said you need to go. There was no place for her to go. She's still here. Back and forth. Finally it's come to the point where enough is enough. It's eviction time.

How do you know it's time? When this happens. When you've given chances and tried different things. When they work and show they can keep a job. When they, forgive my wording, but treat your home like a storage unit or hotel. When they show and express how they don't want to contribute to the house or family. How do you know if this is a mistake? You don't. You look for the signs. You follow your feelings because you are still the adult, the parent and love her. It is still your home and your rules. Is this the right thing to do? Yes. When you've given chances, tried to set up different rules or ways to make it work together and those rules and ways are repeatedly broken...then yes it's the right thing to do. When contributing and being asked to help out is huffed at and used as a bargaining chip to change rules...then yes. When being part of the family is a bother, inconvenience....then yes. When entitlement behavior takes over....then yes. When overall you've been lucky with this child that has grown to be a smart, beautiful woman, who has worked since she was sixteen...then yes. When your child has paid their bills on their own and feels like they know everything and can do it on their own....then yes, it is time to take the next step.

I think as a parent you just know when it's time. When she first turned eighteen I hoped she'd stay forever. Now, just months away from nineteen, I'm ready to let go. Truthfully I should have pushed for this a few months ago. I should have said enough is enough but I wasn't ready to let go. I am ready to let go. I'm ready to nudge the little bird out of the nest.